How to spot a fake dating profile and romance scams

Most people you meet online are exactly who they say they are. But romance scams are real, and they are especially common in international dating, where you cannot simply meet for coffee to check. They do not only catch the naïve. They are built to catch kind, trusting people at the moment they are hoping for something good.

The good news: fake profiles and romance scams follow recognisable patterns. Once you know them, they are much easier to spot. Here is what to look for, how to check whether someone online is real, and what to do if something feels wrong.

How a romance scam usually unfolds

Imagine David, a widower in Melbourne, who starts talking to a woman on a dating app. She is warm, attentive and messages him every morning. Within a week she suggests they move to a messaging app “because it’s easier”. Within two weeks she says she has never felt this way about anyone. Every time he suggests a video call, something gets in the way: a broken camera, bad signal, a long shift.

Then, a month in, comes the emergency. A hospital bill. A visa fee. A plane ticket to finally meet him, if only he could help with the cost.

None of the individual moments are impossible. Cameras break, people fall quickly, emergencies happen. It is the pattern that gives it away: fast intimacy, moving off the platform, no live video, and then money.

The warning signs of a fake dating profile

The profile itself

• Very few photos, or photos that look like a model shoot, a magazine or a stock image.
• Photos that never show the person in an everyday setting, with friends or in their own home.
• A profile that is brand new, with almost no details, or details that do not quite fit together.
• Job titles that conveniently explain being far away and hard to reach, such as working on an oil rig, at sea or on a military posting.

The way they behave

• It moves very fast. Big declarations of love within days, and talk of a future together before you have really met.
• They want to leave the app. An early push to move to WhatsApp, Telegram or text, where the platform cannot see or help.
• They avoid live video. There is always a reason the camera does not work, or calls happen only at times that suit them.
• The story keeps shifting. Names, places, jobs and dates do not quite add up over time.
• Money comes up. Directly or indirectly: an emergency, a fee, a ticket, a gift card, a crypto “opportunity”. This is the clearest sign of all.

How to check if someone online is real

Start with the photos. A reverse image search, using Google Lens or a similar tool, can show you whether the same pictures appear elsewhere under another name. Consumer protection agencies such as the US Federal Trade Commission recommend exactly this.

Then ask for something that is hard to fake: a live video call, ideally somewhere outside their home. A real person can show you their street, their café, the view from their window. Someone using stolen photos will run out of excuses.

This is the idea behind fondly. Your match plans a real date in their city, at a public place, and you join live by video. You see their real life, with real people around them, as it happens. It is very hard to fake a whole neighbourhood, a vendor who knows them and a friend who stops to say hello. And it is a far more natural way to get to know someone than an interrogation.

Never send money to someone you have only met online

This rule deserves its own heading because it is the one that matters most. Do not send money, gift cards, crypto or bank details to someone you have only met online, however long you have talked and however good the reason sounds. Real partners do not ask for money before you have even met.

If someone pressures you, makes you feel guilty or asks you to keep it secret, that is not love. It is a script.

What to do if something feels wrong

Stop sending messages and do not send any money. Keep the conversation and screenshots, because they help if you report it. Report and block the profile on the dating app: on fondly you can do this from any profile at any time, and reports go straight to our team.

If you have lost money, contact your bank straight away and report it to the authorities where you live, such as the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov in the US, Action Fraud in the UK or Scamwatch in Australia. And talk to someone you trust. Romance scams are designed to make people feel ashamed, but they happen to thoughtful, intelligent people every day.

Questions people often ask

How do you know if someone online is real?

Check their photos with a reverse image search and ask for live video, ideally somewhere outside their home. Real people are consistent over time and happy to show you their real life. Be very careful if they avoid video or ask for money.

What are the most common signs of a romance scam?

Fast declarations of love, a push to move off the dating app, excuses to avoid live video, a story that keeps changing and, sooner or later, a request for money or gifts.

Why do scammers want to move to WhatsApp or Telegram?

Off the dating app, the platform cannot see what is happening, and there is less record of the conversation if you want to report it. Staying on the app for the first weeks keeps you better protected.

Can a video call prove someone is real?

A live, unplanned video call is a strong sign, especially when you can see the person in their own surroundings with other people around. A call from a dark room at odd hours tells you much less.

Real life is the best protection

Fake profiles depend on distance and control: carefully chosen photos, messages written with time to think and no chance to see the real person. The best protection is the opposite. Take your time, stay on the platform, insist on seeing someone live in their own world, and never send money. Real people are happy to show you who they are. For more on getting to know someone abroad, read our guide to international dating and meeting someone from another country for the first time.